TRUST JESUS

I had just left the hospital where my mom lay dying from a stroke.  I didn’t know she was dying.  All I knew was that just a few days before, she had had an outpatient procedure in which a morphine pump was inserted into her back.  Either she got too much morphine or had a bad reaction to it, but she was turning blue when her best friend checked on her only hours after the procedure.  Thankfully EMTs were able to resuscitate her and get her stabilized at a local hospital, where the diagnosis was that she had suffered a stroke.  She was paralyzed on her left side, and couldn’t see clearly.  Because of the pre-existing back pain she endured, she really couldn’t do physical therapy to overcome the effects of the stroke.  She couldn’t stay in the hospital.  She couldn’t go to a rehab facility.  She needed long term care, and she was only 60 years old.  

I was only 39 years old… much too young to be dealing with a critically ill parent.  How do I find long term care for her?  Do I take care of her at my own house?  What about my three kids, aged 4, 9, and 12, two of whom I was homeschooling?  We were in the process of selling our house and building a new one.  How could I get the house ready to sell, handle the details of building a new house, take care of my husband and my kids, and take care of my mom in the way she deserved?

It was late and I was exhausted.  A million worried thoughts swirled through my head as I drove in the dark around 285 to my home.  And out of the darkness, I saw a sign on the side of the road.  Not a DOT approved sign, but a hand painted sign on rough hewn wood that read “TRUST JESUS.” 

It was like the Lord was speaking directly to me.  That was the solution to it all!  Did I know all the answers?  Absolutely not!  I could barely drive my car with all the turmoil in my mind.  But Jesus did.  He knew what was happening.  He knew His plan for my mom, and He knew His plan for me.

That same solution is as valid today as it was 15 years ago.  Jesus is not surprised about the coronavirus.  He’s not unable to heal you, unable to provide for you, unable to protect you.  As a matter of fact, He can lead you through every pitfall and every minefield, now in this crisis and every day.

During that crisis period in my life, I would ask Jesus what to do every day.  One day, I would hear Him say in my spirit, “Call the bank… you’re about to be overdrawn.” (I had just taken over my mom’s finances, and they were a mess.)  The next day, I would hear Him say, “start cleaning the house… a realtor will call at noon wanting to show the house to some prospective buyers.”  And sure enough, that’s what would happen.  Another day, He would instruct me to call Mom’s doctors about something to do with her healthcare. Every day He directed my steps.    

Did you know that that kind of daily direction is available to us everyday, not just when we are in a crisis?  Jesus wants the kind of relationship with us that is that close, that familiar.  Just like sitting down with your spouse or your kids, having a conversation about what the schedule is for the day, Jesus wants to have that conversation with us.  Think about it.  The Creator and Sustainer of the universe wants to guide your steps!  That’s amazing!

One day, my mom started telling her nurses and her doctors, “My Father has made a way for me to go home!”  I thought she was talking about the conversation I had with her that we would move her to my house, putting a hospital bed in our office downstairs so I could care for her at home.  But that’s not what she meant. 

After two weeks in the hospital, she was moved into a hospice facility.  It was supposed to be just for a short time, until a long term care facility opened up.  But the first night she was in hospice, one of the workers told me that it wouldn’t be long now because my mom’s physical functions were shutting down.  I was stunned!  I had no idea that she was dying.  But indeed that was what was happening.

I walked into my mom’s room late one afternoon, after the nursing staff had cleaned her up from an accident.  My mom looked at me as clearly as she could and said, “Monica, I want to make it perfectly clear that I will not live like this.” 

Now for those of you who didn’t know my mom, you need to understand that Gloria took her personal hygiene very seriously.  She was always put together: hair, makeup, clothing, jewelry.  Being dirty wasn’t tolerated.  And Gloria was a take charge kind of person.  If she told you to do something, you did it.  And apparently she had that same sort of relationship with Jesus.  She decided she wanted to die, and she did.  That conversation happened on Monday, and late Friday night she was gone. 

I continued to TRUST JESUS through the next days and weeks as we celebrated my mom’s life, buried her, and closed out her estate.  He guided me through that entire difficult process.  Step by step, day by day.    

And as time went on and the crisis passed, I forgot to ask Him everyday to guide my steps.  And I made some missteps that I could have avoided.  So my encouragement to you today is two-fold: 

1) TRUST JESUS.  He knows.  He cares.  He can help you.

2)  Do it EVERYDAY.  Now in this Covid-19 crisis.  And when the crisis is over.  He’s faithful.  He’s good.  He’s wise.  He loves you and He can guide you.

We did sell our house.  We did move into our beautiful new home.  And hanging in the foyer of our home is a framed collage.  In the collage is a photo of our new home.  Another picture shows our family on the front porch.  Also framed is a list of the promises that God gave me to confess and believe for our new home, as a testimony and reminder that God is faithful to his promises.  The last item in the collage is a Christmas card that my mom wrote before she had the procedure that caused her stroke.  In her distinctive handwriting, she wrote, “I wish you God’s blessing on the building of your new house and abundant prosperity in 2005.  Love, Mom.”  Thank you, Jesus.  And thank you, Mom.